Self care

I am a giver. My husband is a taker. This usually means that I put his desires, wants, needs and feelings before my own and usually just suck it up. I’m usually ok with this but since he has taken another wife I’ve noticed that I feel upset and resentful when I martyr my happiness for his. I’m not sure why I feel like this now or what to do about it. I don’t want it to cause problems so I’m going to start doing things for my happiness. A little self care will do me good.

Why I love polygyny 

I love polygyny because I love sisterhood. I love community style living. I’m emotionally needy. I crave an emotional bond with a woman. It makes me happy to know that even on my bad days my husband is taken care of, loved on and supported. I love polygyny because I don’t want a sister to be lonely or struggling to survive if she doesn’t have to be. I want a single mothers children to be taken care of and for them to have the love, stability and protection that a father can provide. I love polygyny because it is a way for women to come together and help each other. Teamwork makes the dream work.

My sister wife 

My husband was courting a really nice woman before I lost the baby and we had planned for her and her three children to come up for the weekend the morning that I lost the baby. She was on her way when we were on our way to the hospital. She has 3 children (2, 4 and 9) and I have 2 children at home (12 and 14). I also have a 22-year-old who lives on her own and a 9-year-old is with my ex-husband. She wanted to still come and stay with my children while we were in the hospital. I thought that was nice. When we got home the entire house was spotless, dinner was done and the children were in bed. She wants to be a stay at home wife and mother. I’m a ICU nurse and career girl. I have a scholarship to Southern Illinois University to become a Doctor of Nursing Anesthesia. I really like her and think she’s a perfect fit. Even though she’s perfect this is a very emotional time for me and my emotions are all over the place. My husband asked me if I wanted him to end things with her until I’m a better place mentally. I said no. Things are going well with them and I don’t want to be the reason that things stop. This is going to be very rewarding but very emotionally trying.

Feelings 

  1. Tomorrow marks 1 month since I lost my daughter. At 18 weeks my water broke, I went to the doctor and they did an ultrasound. They said that she still had a heartbeat and there was some amniotic fluid. There was a chance that it would increase. Two days later she passed. I went to the bathroom and felt her feet in my vagina. I delivered her in the hospital. I dressed her in a crocheted hat and crocheted bassinet and blanket. I wrapped her in a hospital receiving blanket and brought her body home. I kept her in a cooler on cold packs beside my bed until I buried her on my friends land 2 days later. That was probably very emotionally unhealthy but I was mourning and my husband didn’t have the heart to tell me no. These were the hardest days of my life.